Once upon a rainy day, at least I think it was raining. It could very well have been dry as a bone, I can’t remember. Well anyway, I was four, or possibly five. Itdoesn’t matter either way really. The important thing is that I was playing outside. In the driveway to be exact. I’m pretty certain about that, because while playing I fell (or something similar) and skinned my knee. The reason I’m pretty sure that I was in the driveway is that our lawn was pretty soft and I don’t think that I would of hurt myself there, and I was simply too smart/paranoid to play on the road.
So there I was in my driveway, with a skinned knee, in the (possible) rain. I was little and still learning that pain really really hurts so I went to find someone with more experience than I to see if they could fix it. I found my Dad inside doing something Dad-like such as making a sandwich or doing the dishes. He looked down at me and saw me crying. "What happened?" He asked me and between sobs (I was crying, did I mention that it hurt?) I managed to point to my knee.
"I fell—*huff*and – *puff*and hurt my knee."
My dad put on a very serious expression as he put his arm around me. "Is it bleeding?" He asked.
My eyes went wide and my tiny mind began to race. What’s so bad about it bleeding? Does that make it worse? Oh man, I can’t remember if it is or not! I quickly looked down at my knee to see that thank goodness no, it wasn’t actually bleeding. I looked back at my Dad and told him this. To my surprise he just smiled, stood up, said "You’re fine then," and went back to his Dad duties. Naturally this distressed me so I went to find the person with higher authority than Dad--- Mom.
Thus began the age of "Calvin’s Dad." As you probably know, in the cartoon strip Calvin and Hobbes, Calvin’s Dad (Who always remains nameless to protect the guilty) often gives Calvin misinformation when he doesn’t know the answer.
"Why are old photographs in Black and White?" Asks Calvin.
"Because the world was black and white back then." Says his Dad.
"Oooooooh." Says Calvin, now wise to the ways of the world.
"How do you work the sinks and air dryers?" I ask my Dad while on a trip to the CN Tower and being puzzled by the motion sensor bathroom.
"Well you have to put your hands under the tap and say ‘Water ON!’ like this!" Replies my Dad.
"And the hot air dryers?"
"Same thing but ‘Air ON!’" And he demonstrates again.
"Ohhhh!" I say, "Water ON!"
Is it any wonder my grades are still so bad?